In loving memory: Mohd Nor Bin Buang
(1935-2009)
May he rest in peace and be amongst the faithful in Heaven. Amin.
It was such a heart-wrenching experience. Atuk fell critically ill and was brought to CGH on Monday night as all of us suspected he had second stroke. It was to our shock that the cause of death was actually decompensated liver cirrhosis- and no one had a single clue that all these while he had liver problems.
That night I rushed to the hospital after work and visited him. I was all in tears. Rashid and his parents came to visit too. I was weak and I knew he can't hold on for long. Rashid comforted me and advised me to prepare for the worst.
I knew his chances were low, but I've always believed that miracles can happen. So I performed solat hajat that night and asked Allah to pardon his sins, give him all the strength in the world for him to fight for his life. At least if Allah were to take him away, hopefully he goes away in peace.
The very next day after Asar prayers, mama called me and told me that Atuk was gone.
I was dumbfounded and didn't know what to say. All I knew was to go home straight because we had to receive his body from the hospital and prepare for his funeral. I was the first one to read Yasin for him when the body arrived my place.
The past few days were spent in mourning, syukur alhamdulilah his body was safely buried, and the prayers went well. Tahlil for the 3rd and upcoming 7th day.
Just that sometimes flashes of memories played like a recorder in my head. And it brought me again to tears.
The last time I actually talked to him was not a good one. In fact I had a slight tiff with him. He loved to drink sweet drinks and I actually took it away from him. I didn't want him to drink that because he had diabetes and doctor advised him against it. He was merajuk with me.
I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have deprived him.
2 years of staying with me and my family was all enough to picture the memories.
I remembered the days when he used to bug me to drive him to Geylang because he loved to eat mee rebus there.
I remembered the times when he smiled and laugh when we watched tv together- especially during the p.ramlee shows.
I remembered the times when I used to inject him with insulin for his diabetes.
I remembered the times when I would always take away food for him from Singtel and everyone of my colleagues there used to tease me that food was for my atuk.
I remembered the times when I used to tease him for collecting alot of money from people during hari raya and hiding them beneath his folded kain.
I remembered the time when nenek and I introduced Rashid to him and he was all smiles, when the raiding party came to merisik he sat at that red chair and smiled all the while.
Just that I was disappointed and sad that he couldn't make it to see my engagement next Sunday.
It is really a heart-wrenching experience for me.
God knows how I felt when I bid him goodbye for the last time. When they wanted to bury him beneath that soil.
I just couldn't control my emotions.
It was very sad, but I knew this was Allah's decision.
He had suffered long enough from all those diseases and it is high time for him to return to the Almighty.
The engagement will still be on as per planned by the way, but of course a little Al-Fatehah before starting the ceremony to commemorate the death of my beloved atuk.
I miss you Atuk. Very very much.
=..(
May you rest in peace. Al-fatihah.
1 comment:
I lost my grandfather last year. It feels terrible. Till today, I can't talk about him without choking up in tears and emotion.
But you need to remember that he's at somewhere better now. Somewhere, where there's no pain, no suffering and he's not alone there. And for the next 40 days, he will watch over his loved ones and you. So remember to sedekahkan alfatihah and yasin as frequently as possible. Those are his only 'penance' as he's gone.
No time to regret what you did before because you did it out of his best interest, basically out of unconditional love. I'm sure he appreciated and loved you more. :)
Takziah my friend. But you cannot put yourself through guilt-trips and hold off living in grief. Dry your tears and resume life asap. I was told he doesn't want the family he left behind to indulge in grief and mourning too much. It'd be too painful for him, and honestly, biologically, your body can't take THAT much pain.
It gets better in time. =)
And even when he's gone, I feel his presence still. And I feel it more than I feel his absence.
Post a Comment